Thanks for your response. I am in close contact with the parents. Apparently this twin has been a challenge at home since infancy. The preschool the girls went to was based on montessori practices-totally child directed and a 1 on 3 ratio so she did not develop the skill of waiting to be helped or being required in a school setting to start, finish or even attempt a project or assignment that she finish. Her sister has learned these skills as does well academically and socially. She had at her disposal adult one on one whenever she demanded it. She is currently seeing a child psychologist that concidered ODD, but now says no(I think this may be fairly accurate for this child). However she has not given me many options for helping her in the classroom or helping me cope. I came up with a grab bag for her for calming activities she could try today-take 3 deep breaths, give yourself a short time out on the couch, ask to take something to the office, quietly sing a song you like where what I came up quickly this morning. She still tantrumed today, not as badly as yesterday. Mom is stay at home mom who tries really hard with the girls-good boundries are on both girls and consistant consequences and rewards. No trauma is noted. Hope that this helps. I would love any help or ideas you can give. Thansk

Reply written by Ruth Herman Wells, M.S., Director, Youth Change at 2009-02-05 13:15:47
So we have two possibilities, that the girl is ODD or untrained on how to be a patient, cooperative student. Either way, I would begin now to teach her those skills starting with the most important first: self-control. Begin by finding out her likes and dislikes, and use those as you go, e.g. if she prefers to be in class vs outside, then remove for tantrum, readmit for stopping. Teach in small steps and be very careful to teach behaviors not repeat expectations. So you will teach specific skills like voice level, voice tone, what words to use, and so on. You must also motivate her to be different so use some of our potent motivators that ease very resistant children into understanding that they can't even make it through the morning with a temper like that. Best resource: Temper and Tantrum Tamer lesson plan book. What's key? Motivate her, meaning she sees urgent need to be different.