Stop Power Struggles Now:
Fix the Nix-Master to Say "Yes" Faster
Do you know a Nix-Master?
Sure you do. It's the child who says "no"
to nearly anything.
Some of these children who engage in power struggles, are loud and defiant. Others are quietly and politely non-compliant.
Whether they're loud or quiet, they're not doing what they're asked to do.
No adult ever won a power struggle with a child, and no adult ever will.
The minute you get into a power struggle with a child, you've already lost.
Instead, choose interventions that work around the resistance. Nearly nonstop nay-saying is a normal part of development that prepares teens to become independent. Here are techniques to use with youth or children who evidence normal non-compliance, and those who use behaviors that go well beyond "typical" into seriously defiant:
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
DISRUPT STUDENTS' BELIEFS ABOUT
DEFIANCE & POWER STRUGGLES
Defying authority can become the top issue above all else.
Strategies: Ask students to list the most important things they want in
life. Defying authority will not be listed. Identify to defiant students that
they devote much time and energy to low/no priority issues while
jeopardizing their top goals. Have students cross out goals that defiance
could ruin. This intervention is especially good with children who have
conduct disorder, and only care about what they get for me-me-me.
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
CONVINCE STUDENTS THAT DEFIANCE
& POWER STRUGGLES HARM THEM
Help students realize that compliance is not arbitrary but essential.
Strategies: Ask the students to determine the consequences if
everyone was non-compliant whenever they wished. Ask what would
happen if everybody ignored stop signs, took every item they wanted,
blocked traffic, refused to pay taxes, or could enter your house without
your okay, or simply walk away with your cell phone or backpack.
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
DISRUPT STUDENTS' BELIEFS ABOUT
DEFIANCE & POWER STRUGGLES
Defying authority can become the top issue above all else.
Strategies: Ask students to list the most important things they want in
life. Defying authority will not be listed. Identify to defiant students that
they devote much time and energy to low/no priority issues while
jeopardizing their top goals. Have students cross out goals that defiance
could ruin. This intervention is especially good with children who have
conduct disorder, and only care about what they get for me-me-me.
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
CONVINCE STUDENTS THAT DEFIANCE
& POWER STRUGGLES HARM THEM
Help students realize that compliance is not arbitrary but essential.
Strategies: Ask the students to determine the consequences if
everyone was non-compliant whenever they wished. Ask what would
happen if everybody ignored stop signs, took every item they wanted,
blocked traffic, refused to pay taxes, or could enter your house without
your okay, or simply walk away with your cell phone or backpack.
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
CONVINCE STUDENTS THAT DEFIANCE
& POWER STRUGGLES HARM THEM
Who would you work harder for– the boss who is a dictator or the boss
who is a participatory manager? Most of us, whether adults or kids,
want to have a say at work or school. Allowing youth input prepares
them for the self-management they must do throughout life when
supervising adults aren't present to provide guidance.
Strategies: To win a great prize, have students play Tic Tac Toe
without rules. They will discover that games won't work without rules.
Now, have a classroom without rules and a defiant youth as teacher.
Role reversals offer lightening fast ways for defiant youth to get a
jolting look at their own problem behavior. You're going to love the
results these intervention strategies deliver.
Solutions for Defiance & Power Struggles
IT DEPENDS ON YOU
Here's a fast device that will never let you down.
Strategies: When a student starts to power struggle, think to
youself:"Take my sails out of their wind," then act accordingly.
It takes two to power struggle. You can control one of the two.
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About Ruth Herman Wells
